Sunday, June 3, 2012


Having four XXX long eared charges has its dangers. Habits rub off. Eventually you'll become hounded and not even know it. It is almost like being grounded - if you add a good dash of confusion and social awkwardness to it.

If you walk past a pet shop and see toys and want to burst into spontaneous barking: you're hounded.

If the food you add to the Basset breakfast and dinner looks better than your burnt boxed pizza: you're hounded.

If you cannot read your colleagues because they do not lift their eyebrows in a quizzical fashion or cock their heads when you ask nicely: you're hounded. 

If, in spite of the rules and agreements, you visit and wake up in a bed that is not your own and the first thing you see is Basset butt: you're hounded.

If you walk in your own house and lift your feet up high with each step even when there are no bodies to step over: you're hounded.

If you have a bad dream and wake up facing several pairs of nostrils and raised eyebrows: you're hounded.

If you oversleep and are woken up by a fat wet nose because you might miss breakfast: you're hounded.

If a Basset whines and annoys you and you whine back in frustration: you get it. You're hounded.

If Nougat says she just saw Janis Joplin drive past in a multi colored Porsche with Elvis in the passenger seat and you go 'Whuff?': you're hounded.
If Horton insists that there was a Blue Hound Dog on the back seat and you know that the 1965 Porsche 356-C Cabriolet did not have a back seat: then, human, dog days are upon you.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Interview with a Rabbit

The Bassets, after having had some recent social interaction with other Bassets, put their heads together and came up with a plan which would keep continuous excitement going in-between naps. They decided to hire a rabbit. This is how the interview went according to the Bassets. (There was only one applicant). I am still looking for the rabbit to verify the facts seeing that I am the overseer of the territory and has the last say in matters such as the employment of bunnies or such.

Horton:          Hello Rabbit. I like you. Are you a house bunny?
Rabbit:           No?
Nougat:         Are you a March Hare?
Rabbit:           No no no no no...! I swear I don't know that hare and neither his crazy friend with the hat!
Butter:            Is your name Roger?
Rabbit:           No, it's R A B B I T
Horton:          R A B I D? I had an uncle once...
Butter:           What's wrong with your ears? They keep on sticking up in the air. It makes me nervous....grrrr...
Rabbit (who promptly flattens his ears): They're Rabbit's ears. Mam.
Butter:           Grrrr... Smart-ass.
Rabbit:          No Madam. A rabbit. I am a rabbit.
                    The Smart Ass lives in the stable behind the garden where I currently reside.
Nougat:        Little white Rabbit. You look somewhat familiar. Do you hang out with a guy called Neo?
                   Human variety? 
Rabbit:         No, not at all. My only human friend is called Alice.
Butter:         We have a Human too. But it is OUR Human. Smart-ears.
Bofa:            Look Rabbit. What will really matter in the end is how well you run.
                   Says here on your application that you once outran, sorry, almost outran a tortoise.
                   I must say Rabbit, you have a lot of guts coming here ... Hey! Where are you going?
Bofa:           Did I just say GUTS in an interview? Too visceral?
Nougat:       Yeah. Don't worry about it. He's neither hare nor all there.
                   Who needs a rabbit in the garden? Stupid thing will probably get caught. Who needs that?
                   Where are we going to find one that understands that a rabbit's job is not to get caught?

Monday, May 7, 2012

A Weekend of Family

We were a whole lot of family in the territory this weekend. Two packs to be exact, plus one new addition. Some reactions were caught on camera.

Welcome cousin Suede!

Mom... There's Basset goo on my head...




I cannot watch this, I cannot!


Dude. Are you going to grow into all that skin?


AAawww common man! Let me smell his stuff!!


Is it your baby? Can I have him? Please?


Gotta hide my toys... where, where???

Mambo had nothing to say. She went under cover.


*Giggle*... Oh no, please, no camera. My hair's a mess! I feel so fuzzy.

Friday, May 4, 2012

The Contented Caretaker

My alarm went off at 04h00 this morning and the effect thereof was lost on the Bassets. I managed to drag myself towards the kettle half an hour later and started a morning that involved admin, work and a Basset Breakfast. (I’ll admit: not a normal morning for me)

At 07h00 I skidded back into the bedroom still under pressure of the schedule. Only Butter half opened her eyes to watch me, everyone else maintained an uninterrupted snuggle position. ‘Sleep well beloved’ I thought, ‘I’ll take care of this.’

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Benefits of Duct Tape


There are view things in life that cannot be fixed with cable ties, duct tape, bandages or Easter eggs.

Butter tore a nail today in such a way that the look of it made me feel faint. It stuck into the air and seemed to be enmeshed in mangled flesh. It was lunchtime and our vet would only be back at 16h00. I took the necessary measures. Anti-inflammatory painkiller, herbal sedative, something to chew on because it is a known stress reliever. Personally I had nothing.

At 16h30 I phoned to find out f the kid could be fetched and what was done to her. Turns out that anesthesia was necessary to remove the nail. At least the whole operation went well. To scare the "£$%% out of me I was shown the nail that was removed, now neatly sealed in a plastic bag. I told them that we have enough Bassets with healthy nails at home and that they could keep it or give it to someone in need of a nail.

As usual I added a new bowl, bag of food, cookies and whatever else I could justify onto the bill. The benefits of retail therapy are tremendous.

The kid looks terrible, as if she had a skiing accident. The bandages on her foot are so big that I stumble when I look at it. She was a little sleepy and confused but very happy when she was loaded into the BUV and allowed to sit on top of the newly acquired bag of food. Wagging tail. That's my Butter. I hugged her and told her what a good puppy she was. To hell with retail therapy, this is the stuff.

There were a couple of things that needed to be done before anyone could have supper. Butter could hardly walk with the mammoth boot stuck on her front paw so I had to improvise ramps everywhere I could.

A few pieces of scrap wood, cable ties and rubber car carpets are very useful items. Add duct tape to the mix and you'll think yourself an accomplished maker-fixer-of-things. 

This is how it works. You take the wood and saw it more or less in the desired lengths. I emphasize 'more or less' because I'm not sure if it should be done with a jigsaw and if so, how to make the thing run in straight lines. Then you tie it together with lots and lots of cable ties. If you run out of cable ties, you are stupid because you MUST always have loads of those around the house, even some in your car's cubbyhole. Then you stick holes in the rubber mats and tie it to the wooden structure with lots and lots of cable ties, unless you are stupid and have already run short of those (Note to self: buy bunches of cable ties). If you cannot find rubber mats, use the ones in your car. Your Bassets would not mind one little bit. To finish the project duct tape is used to cover every little gap that could cause a nail to get stuck and torn. Mind not to tape the ramp-thing to the surface you're working on, it's a bitch to get off.

After the very sturdy little ramp was assembled, the loose piece of wood in the entrance to the dog house had to be fixed. I tried to rip the thing off but one relentless screw hung on for dear life. Duct tape. Problem fixed. If it will not come off, tape it back onto its proper place. For good measure I put some more tape around the whole dog house and taped the roof of it. I used red tape all over so that the Bassets could see how serious I take their well being. (Note to self: buy more duct tape)

My job being done, I helped Butter up the longer of the two ramps and called the others into the house. Looked for the house keys which have gone missing. This is where Easter eggs are useful. You eat one when you are in despair or just plain fed up. If you do not feel better afterwards you should immediately eat another one.

I eventually found the keys still in the laundry room's door (which is way in the back of the yard). I yanked them out and my irritation induced march back to the house was abruptly halted by the new ramp sticking out the side of the dog house. (Note to self: be sure to buy luminescent duct tape) (Note to self: install the motion activated spotlights sitting on the shelf in the garage. At least you'll  be able to see why you got smacked by the ground)

The Bassets are now peacefully asleep after their supper. I've switched to whiskey because I'm running low on Easter eggs. Cannot risk it - crisis might strike at any time.

Tomorrow Butter's bandages can come off and hopefully Nougat would not think that Butter is trying to attack me with her big foot when she wobbles toward me.

Peace out. Human done for tonight.